firstly, because all the deviations inbow i spent so long clearing out has now sprang back up to where it was and although I know this means it's bursting with goodies I also know I will never tackle it.
shame.
also I am sad because I am tired and have tried so hard today but still I'm running backwards.
and still boys fail to talk politely.

_x

today I had a self-esteem breakdown.
I did that thing where you apologise for all your past behaviour ever. I poured it out onto my best friend. I was a grey mess in need of assurance. he had to go due to lack of credit.

yesterday evening I saw a man kiss on QI. it was beautiful.
last night I was hungeehungeehungee* for music, each guitar-strum, drum-beat, voice-quaver shivered down my spine sending waves of ecstasy pulsing through me.
I had loads of ideas.
I dreamt that me and my best friend danced crazily and uninhibited to Radiohead.

*last night I was also just plain hungeehungeehungee in my belly. I snuck down at 11pm whilst my mum was outside with the dog and filled a bowl with oats, raisins and milk. the andrenaline made me dizzy and my stomach hurt. I didn't stop shaking for 10 minutes.

now I'm going to eat some pasta with too much bluddy cheese.

I can't get away from this name.
or variations thereupon.
every page I look at I see Mattias, Matias, Messiah, Mathias.
spooky...

someone else just inspired me to do this:


AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!-AHCAK-AHC-ACH-ACH!!!GGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


*-hum*



thank you.